I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
