Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
