Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
