I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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