She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
