oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
