And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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