I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
