Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
