Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
