If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
