His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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