get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize