one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
