So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
