i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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