I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
