You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she woke up with a sticky ear
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
