We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
