Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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