yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
