I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
