His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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