So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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