you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
