is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize