That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
