i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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