i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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