I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
