walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
