i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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