We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
