Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
