Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
