Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
