She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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