cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
