And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
