it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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