Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
