There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
