Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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