Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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