I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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