i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
