Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize