How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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