you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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