Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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