Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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