Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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