that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
