I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
