Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
