She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
