Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
