Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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