I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
