There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
