i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
