You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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