She is in my trunk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
