My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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