my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize