i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
